Tracked
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I was tracked by the goons for being harmless,
I was tracked by the policemen for being not harmless,
I was tracked by the society for being asocial,
And I was tracked by the antisocial for being asocial,
I was tracked by the asocial for becoming socially and antisocially asocial.
I was tracked by the animal lovers for patting a stray dog with muddy hands,
and I was tracked by the watchmen for loving the street heir.
I was tracked by the shadows for living in light,
and the light tracked me for turning to see who was behind.
I was tracked by the kids for being adult,
and the adults tracked me for not acting like adult.
I was tracked by the prospective groom to make his nights,
and I was tracked by the marriage bureau for they represted the groom's side.
I was tracked by my parents for having an affair,
and I was tracked down by my boyfriend's mysterious woman
I was tracked by life for being scared,
I was tracked down by death for it was in direct competition with life dear.
I was tracked by a distant lawyer for inheriting the chest of treasure,
and I was tracked by poor for handling my treasure affair,
I was tracked by the rich for becoming super rich
and I am still being tracked by my thoughts to write this blog.
I am being tracked by spammers for spamming me,
Communist track me for tracking the tracks,
Capitalist track me for being tracked by communist.
Liberals track me because I advocate rights and yet am a straight which for them is a disguise.
I am tracked by guys for having sexy lips
and I am tracked my girls for having sexy lips,
The social network tracks me for having a profile.
The thoughts track me for having a mind,
Air tracks me for having life,
The underworld tracks me for not having anyone else to track
and the moon tracks me because I just got new tracking shoes
My adrenaline tracks me to the unknown,
My fear tracks me from the known,
The cartoonist tracked me to make a cartoon
Ahhh and so became the united tracking universe
and now the authors track me for uniting the world.

Passion of darkness
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As darkness grew, and not a word could be heard,
Stood on the high of the highest building,
a petite figure, loose hair,
with wind caressing her entire form,
the shyness of a ordinary being,
transformed into a light of passion.
The stars her distant love,
the essence, her own home.
She stood and the eyes changed,
There stood the princess of darkness,
Demanding the nature to obey her,
The fury of passion unleashing through her eyes,
Touching invisible but visible did it seemed
The clouds tried covering the stars,
It thundered and lightening stuck,
But nothing was more intense then her passion,
The clouds melted under her heat,
Raining and drenching, only to make her now a queen,
The stars shone and flickered and so did she.
The dance had begun of the existence,
With every drop of water, the stars flickered more.
And there she stood the silent girl with passion oozing out.
Staring and silencing the silence,
Lightening fell before her feet as a mark of respect
Thunder was the music, wind was the messenger,
and stars blinked more.
Yet she stood eyeing the stars,
and out came the moon.
There under the spell,
She danced the dance of trance,
mesmerised by her own mesmerising form.
The meeting had come to a beginning,
promising the end to never end.

I am acting as a messiah for myself

Just got the thought, as to why many a times a torment myself with unnecessary tortures, I mean plain word Guilt and then find out ways and measures to overcome it.

Well this is funny, I mean the realization is funny. I realized that it's pretty normal, I exercise role of being messiah to myself. Since I have decided not to be a messiah to anyone, feel great and proud that I am bigger and better then someone, I do it to myself.

Since I don't run into too many of complications involving normal human behavior. Well I take pride in calling myself insane and being human and yet not human. So the guilt makes me feel like human beings and then the messiah in me helps me overcome it, hence I feel like a evolved human being, a warrior and a achiever after fighting and conquering guilt.

Helps me with two main problems, firstly this is a good time pass. Being happy and trouble free at times becomes boring, hence the best kinda time pass is to get involved with mind and start watching it. But since I am also actively living in the world, at times I find my self out of place and to understand the world at large, I help myself with guilts and emotional outburst and then win myself with my own believes and miracles, hence strengthening faith in my messiah. LOL. I always knew I am funny and illogically logical.

Finally the storm passed. It was not too good neither that bad. Just shook me apart. Tore me, and then left as silently as it came. Finally the cluttered thoughts have been destroyed. Feeling very weak, but very strong. The mist seems to clear. At the early hours of the morning, amidst of nightmare after nightmare, I found myself getting up and full of fear. The curtains were all blowing and floating in the room. Room felt very cold and yet I was sweating. The thought of being watched and attacked came, but one 4 words came all of a sudden,"will of a man". The words have grown strong in my mind. Something strange and yet I feel peace just chanting these words. They are like mantra.

I never believed in Destiny, I always believed that I can write my own destiny.

Though at times my this belief was challenged and there were times when a doubt rose but as 'they' say the good fight. Finally I understood the meaning of the good fight. I have never believed in good and bad, so it was difficult for me to understand the word good fight.

Here I stand today, wounded, tired but full of enthu. Tonight as I open my arms, I feel happy. Tonight I know the good fight is the fight fought for own self and being proud of it, a journey to get rid of the burdens of the world and of all the unwanted guilts( guilt is always unwanted:) something the world desperately wants you to carry). Tonight I stand flowing and mixing with the entire universe. No longer longing to be accepted, because the entire universe is my home, it's my wish to accept and reject, since the universe is my home and not vice-versa.

This is what freedom means to me!!! Loving my life.

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As I lay tormenting myself with the images of ghosts and evil lurking around me.
I realised the joke of century that lucifer forgetting she is the biggest devil. Lol...

A day lived is better than an entire life unlived.

Yesterday when I was seeing in the sky, a bird circling around. For a moment I felt it saw me with saddened eyes. I felt as if it looked lonely and was eyeing Marlboro and iPod in my neck. I felt as if it heard the song “Bitter sweet symphony”. I just imagined how about if I get a chance to sit on the bird, I can go out into the sky, will offer her(bird) one of the cords and will also share her my cigarettes

. What a wonderful feeling it will be? Both of us in the sky floating and floating and smoking and floating and listening to music and nodding our heads. What if even they have the rules of flying and we break them. What if in their community also smoking is seen as a sign of bad manners. Lol it will be fun, she will be the first bird to break the rule. Encircling and encircling, there goes all the buildings, we passing by a hoarding which advertises cigarette, and two naughty riders stay there giving a pose, but ofcourse we are the proud cigarette smokers. So we both smoke before the hoarding and leave a puff. The puff encircles and mixes with the clouds. There we take a full circle and zoom we are off again. There is a train going below us we track its full length, the birdie says it has never enjoyed the flight, this way, seems as if she has its wings for the first time. We keep on flying and smoking and listening to the music. Till that time the list on my iPod starts playing Ozzy “ Crazy but that’s how does it goes”, my sweet companion actually speeds up. She starts going crazy. Nodding her head, looking up at me, even turns upside down, hehe, she takes a dive, I am holding on to her and screaming, she keeps going down ,touches the surface of the sea and the same way above, mid way it spins , I have never felt this kind of excitement, mixed with fear and the unknown boundaries that surrounds me surfacing and disappearing before me. Suddenly everything calms down…shit can’t believe the song ended, the birdie is flying as if she has always flown this way. Ahh its Anoushka Shanker.. lol…We pass through a big mango tree and we drink the mangoes. Birdie makes a hole in the mango and I fix a straw in it. We both rest for a while sipping the juice and just closing our eyes in the shade of the leaves.

Off we go again, this time on the highest peaks that touch the sky, there sitting we speak our hearts out. I was surprised to know that even the birdie feels trapped. Birdie I mean she flies in the sky. I thought the sky is the universe but she feels empty and lonely after being in the sky. Afterall the sky too has its limits or rather everything is limitless, its our own limits and we perceive that things can be gathered, they are limited. Sitting with her there on top, I first time felt at home. Into the silence I felt at ease. The sky was just resting on the peak, I had heard in my world that the sky and the earth do not meet and here I was sitting on a mountain,made of earth and the sky touching me. I told birdie and she looked up at me with questioning eyes, as if to say “ So what?” She was bored of such scenes.

In my world only sages and great souls get such an opportunity. Strangely birdie would have been a great sage there, and here lying before me I see her as a bored person. She asked me, “Raven do you ever feel to die?”, “Are you scared?”, “What does life mean to you?”, “Who are you?” , “Do you ever feel bored?”, “What does love mean to you?”, “Can you ever compromise on your happiness, even though you will be called evil?” ,”What is freedom for you?”
Taking a deep breath I had no idea how do I tell her that I can tell her that I feel like dying every minute, infact so much so that I live by dying every minute I have lived and than taking birth every minute I decide to live. Yes I am scared, I am scared, but its fun to know that you are not perfect. Am scared of lifts , am scared of staircases, am scared of being in my world, am scared of everything that is not me, the fear is so much that it has become numb in me just like the pain in me. Yes, I am scared and am scared not to accept it.

Life to me means every second I breathe, life to me means being responsible of my own actions, sometimes even writing shit and living the shit. Life to me means freedom of not categorizing rights and wrongs. Life to me means to live to my fears too. Life to me means just letting go, it means achieving for my own self. Life to me means to just decide my own death, my own companions, my own existence. The minute I live for others I feel bored. I live to my own terms , which I don’t like to make. I donot know either Mr. Evil or Mr. Good and neither am I going to vote them for ruling the world. All I know is I have a right to be happy, either way.This is my freedom, my life.

We looked into each others’ eyes each understanding the feelings and the pain we carried. The secrets unsaid was heard , looking into the sky, she suddenly asked “Don’t you want to still fly high?”

Yes damned yes…ofcourse….this is the answer the true answer to all the questions she had asked me….to fly high…when sitting on the highest peak I thought I am happy and the cause was my world, the truth was I wanted to still fly high because like her I understood that there is no limit and we are boundary less…this is what is love, religion, everything. Yes, this is what I have always wanted, this is why I was so unhappy and lonely because I stayed back, when I wanted to rise high. This is in my mind’s eyes I saw my soul rising high…this is what was the ultimate freedom…to keep on rising high….

Birdie got up and asked me for more cigarettes and with a wink pointed towards the sky and said whenever I wish we can go for a ride. No doubt that is why we both felt so much at peace while smoking, the puff encircling and rising high shows us the true spirit of ours. With couple of cigarettes we started back, both towards our destination back, to both of our worlds. Birdie and I had a deal of living like this time and again and forever and ever and experimenting with new destinations and new heights and smoking the best of cigarettes and listening to Ozzy and just living towards the life itself.

I am a traveller, walking is my passion,
I have lived my life this way,
Am not used to the other way,
All my life I have just traveled.
Yes, I am a human being,
Am hypocrite by default.
What do you want from me,I cant understand?
I have lived all my life this way,I dont understand any other way.

Hey you watching me,
You say I should carry people with me
Like dead memories where ever I go
With them should I feel lonely
Sing in deserts of my past
But you forget I am a traveller
Have walked millions of miles

I carry food enough for a while
I agree I am a hypocrite by default
But this is too much
I can live on stale food for a while
Can call it fresh before others
But cant lie to myself

For me memories are like food
I can carry it for a while
My heart feels hungry
It blames me
It says I am guilty
It pounds on any memory that comes its way

Now like my tummy it has started feeling at home
The way I drink little water from fresh springs
The way I taste the deliciousness of wild berries.
Same way my heart sings in happiness when it sees the first rays
It fights with the heat
It lies in the arms of forests
It feels the warmth of the sand
It loves to make love to the wild and untamed

I know Mr. Watcher you still keep on criticising
my passion
Because in your memories you have seen me dead
and without a will to live
I donot blame you because you are also a humanbeing
and humanbeings are hypocrites by default.

Mr.Watcher,Mr.Watcher whatever you have to say
But the only truth is I am living up my dreams....

I am my own idol and ideal. No doubt thats why I love to stay idle...

Just in love with these lyrics:

I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready

I am taffy stuck and tongue tied
Stutter shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready I am fine

I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded and unfolded and unfolding
I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready I am fine

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'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet yeah,

No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now
No change, I can change
I can change, I can change

But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the nextI can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change
I can't change
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
Try to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the things meet yeah

You know I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mold
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been downEver been downEver been down
Ever been downEver been down
Have you ever been down?
Have you've ever been down?

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Sucker love is heaven sent.
You pucker up, our passion's spent.
My hearts a tart, your body's rent.
My body's broken, yours is spent.

Carve your name into my arm.
Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.

Sucker love, a box I choose.
No other box I choose to use.
Another love I would abuse,
No circumstances could excuse.

In the shape of things to come.
Too much poison come undone.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.
Every me and every you,
Every Me...he

Sucker love is known to swing.
Prone to cling and waste these things.
Pucker up for heavens sake.
There's never been so much at stake.

I serve my head up on a plate.
It's only comfort, calling late.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.
Every me and every you,
Every Me...he

Every me and every you,
Every Me...he

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.

All alone in space and time.
There's nothing here but what here's here's mine.
Something borrowed, something blue.
Every me and every you.
Every me and every you,
Every Me...he

Every me and every you,
Every Me...he (x4)