A day lived is better than an entire life unlived.

Yesterday when I was seeing in the sky, a bird circling around. For a moment I felt it saw me with saddened eyes. I felt as if it looked lonely and was eyeing Marlboro and iPod in my neck. I felt as if it heard the song “Bitter sweet symphony”. I just imagined how about if I get a chance to sit on the bird, I can go out into the sky, will offer her(bird) one of the cords and will also share her my cigarettes

. What a wonderful feeling it will be? Both of us in the sky floating and floating and smoking and floating and listening to music and nodding our heads. What if even they have the rules of flying and we break them. What if in their community also smoking is seen as a sign of bad manners. Lol it will be fun, she will be the first bird to break the rule. Encircling and encircling, there goes all the buildings, we passing by a hoarding which advertises cigarette, and two naughty riders stay there giving a pose, but ofcourse we are the proud cigarette smokers. So we both smoke before the hoarding and leave a puff. The puff encircles and mixes with the clouds. There we take a full circle and zoom we are off again. There is a train going below us we track its full length, the birdie says it has never enjoyed the flight, this way, seems as if she has its wings for the first time. We keep on flying and smoking and listening to the music. Till that time the list on my iPod starts playing Ozzy “ Crazy but that’s how does it goes”, my sweet companion actually speeds up. She starts going crazy. Nodding her head, looking up at me, even turns upside down, hehe, she takes a dive, I am holding on to her and screaming, she keeps going down ,touches the surface of the sea and the same way above, mid way it spins , I have never felt this kind of excitement, mixed with fear and the unknown boundaries that surrounds me surfacing and disappearing before me. Suddenly everything calms down…shit can’t believe the song ended, the birdie is flying as if she has always flown this way. Ahh its Anoushka Shanker.. lol…We pass through a big mango tree and we drink the mangoes. Birdie makes a hole in the mango and I fix a straw in it. We both rest for a while sipping the juice and just closing our eyes in the shade of the leaves.

Off we go again, this time on the highest peaks that touch the sky, there sitting we speak our hearts out. I was surprised to know that even the birdie feels trapped. Birdie I mean she flies in the sky. I thought the sky is the universe but she feels empty and lonely after being in the sky. Afterall the sky too has its limits or rather everything is limitless, its our own limits and we perceive that things can be gathered, they are limited. Sitting with her there on top, I first time felt at home. Into the silence I felt at ease. The sky was just resting on the peak, I had heard in my world that the sky and the earth do not meet and here I was sitting on a mountain,made of earth and the sky touching me. I told birdie and she looked up at me with questioning eyes, as if to say “ So what?” She was bored of such scenes.

In my world only sages and great souls get such an opportunity. Strangely birdie would have been a great sage there, and here lying before me I see her as a bored person. She asked me, “Raven do you ever feel to die?”, “Are you scared?”, “What does life mean to you?”, “Who are you?” , “Do you ever feel bored?”, “What does love mean to you?”, “Can you ever compromise on your happiness, even though you will be called evil?” ,”What is freedom for you?”
Taking a deep breath I had no idea how do I tell her that I can tell her that I feel like dying every minute, infact so much so that I live by dying every minute I have lived and than taking birth every minute I decide to live. Yes I am scared, I am scared, but its fun to know that you are not perfect. Am scared of lifts , am scared of staircases, am scared of being in my world, am scared of everything that is not me, the fear is so much that it has become numb in me just like the pain in me. Yes, I am scared and am scared not to accept it.

Life to me means every second I breathe, life to me means being responsible of my own actions, sometimes even writing shit and living the shit. Life to me means freedom of not categorizing rights and wrongs. Life to me means to live to my fears too. Life to me means just letting go, it means achieving for my own self. Life to me means to just decide my own death, my own companions, my own existence. The minute I live for others I feel bored. I live to my own terms , which I don’t like to make. I donot know either Mr. Evil or Mr. Good and neither am I going to vote them for ruling the world. All I know is I have a right to be happy, either way.This is my freedom, my life.

We looked into each others’ eyes each understanding the feelings and the pain we carried. The secrets unsaid was heard , looking into the sky, she suddenly asked “Don’t you want to still fly high?”

Yes damned yes…ofcourse….this is the answer the true answer to all the questions she had asked me….to fly high…when sitting on the highest peak I thought I am happy and the cause was my world, the truth was I wanted to still fly high because like her I understood that there is no limit and we are boundary less…this is what is love, religion, everything. Yes, this is what I have always wanted, this is why I was so unhappy and lonely because I stayed back, when I wanted to rise high. This is in my mind’s eyes I saw my soul rising high…this is what was the ultimate freedom…to keep on rising high….

Birdie got up and asked me for more cigarettes and with a wink pointed towards the sky and said whenever I wish we can go for a ride. No doubt that is why we both felt so much at peace while smoking, the puff encircling and rising high shows us the true spirit of ours. With couple of cigarettes we started back, both towards our destination back, to both of our worlds. Birdie and I had a deal of living like this time and again and forever and ever and experimenting with new destinations and new heights and smoking the best of cigarettes and listening to Ozzy and just living towards the life itself.