I am acting as a messiah for myself

Just got the thought, as to why many a times a torment myself with unnecessary tortures, I mean plain word Guilt and then find out ways and measures to overcome it.

Well this is funny, I mean the realization is funny. I realized that it's pretty normal, I exercise role of being messiah to myself. Since I have decided not to be a messiah to anyone, feel great and proud that I am bigger and better then someone, I do it to myself.

Since I don't run into too many of complications involving normal human behavior. Well I take pride in calling myself insane and being human and yet not human. So the guilt makes me feel like human beings and then the messiah in me helps me overcome it, hence I feel like a evolved human being, a warrior and a achiever after fighting and conquering guilt.

Helps me with two main problems, firstly this is a good time pass. Being happy and trouble free at times becomes boring, hence the best kinda time pass is to get involved with mind and start watching it. But since I am also actively living in the world, at times I find my self out of place and to understand the world at large, I help myself with guilts and emotional outburst and then win myself with my own believes and miracles, hence strengthening faith in my messiah. LOL. I always knew I am funny and illogically logical.

Finally the storm passed. It was not too good neither that bad. Just shook me apart. Tore me, and then left as silently as it came. Finally the cluttered thoughts have been destroyed. Feeling very weak, but very strong. The mist seems to clear. At the early hours of the morning, amidst of nightmare after nightmare, I found myself getting up and full of fear. The curtains were all blowing and floating in the room. Room felt very cold and yet I was sweating. The thought of being watched and attacked came, but one 4 words came all of a sudden,"will of a man". The words have grown strong in my mind. Something strange and yet I feel peace just chanting these words. They are like mantra.